Film Rant: Since When do Tweets Count as Reviews?

Disclaimer:  Film Rant is a section where I attempt to quickly vent my frustrations with new trends in film and TV in 400 words or less. It will most likely not be researched in any way and could very well be coming from a place of complete and utter ignorance. Nevertheless, I consider this a therapy of sorts and for the sake of my sanity these posts will pepper the blog from time to time. Also it should be noted that alcohol could, at times, be the main catalyst for some of these posts, so bare with me on the typos.

I’ve noticed a growing trend in movie trailers lately that’s been vexing me down to my soul. I’ll be chowing down on a salad (aka Spicy Cheez-its), watching The Daily Show, when a trailer for a ridiculous looking comedy will come on. I often won’t pay much notice because I’m a notorious multitasker, who commonly requires Facebook to be open while I eat and watch TV as I enjoy the triple penetration of comedy news, sloth videos and sustenance. But every so often I can’t help but listen to the wonderful “reviews” these films get, each from what I’m sure are well-respected Twitter handles.

Look, I’m not ignorant. I know that films have been fabricating reviews for a while now, but when did they decide to get so lazy? I imagined in the old days they would just throw a few bucks at some broke journalist or content writer and everyone was happy. But times, they have a chang-ed.   It would appear audiences have either become more gullible, more indifferent, or simply so used to having smoke blown up their anus they simply don’t care whose puffing on the pipe.

"Kevin James is money in the bank I tells ya!"

“Kevin James is money in the bank I tells ya!”

As much as I’m sure @peterstarzgard racked his brain to answer that Magnolia question posed on IMDB, no matter how nuanced his response, are we really accepting nowadays that he’s a top authority on films? Or is it that people are far more accepting of the opinions of those on social media than I realized?

Maybe what I should be asking is “Where can I get my hands of some of that sweet tweet money? I mean I do have a blog now about film. Surely that counts for something. I think I can sit through Let’s be Cops if someone paid me. Better yet, why do I even have to see the movie? I can come up with something clever in 140 characters. “@letsbecops: Call 911, cause this movie is killin’ me!” or “It should be a crime if you miss this one. No. Seriously. Beaten and incarcerated without chance of parole. #mycatsmyonlyfriend.”

"Patton Oswald tweets back to everyone but ME!"

“Patton Oswald tweets back to everyone but ME!”

If any studios are interested, please email me at under the header Pimp my Pic. Don’t worry, I come real cheap.

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